10 Things Not to Do In Front of Your Man
When we are in relationships we love to
share everything with our boo, but sometimes
ladies, we share way to damn much. I may get
some slack for this list but here it is
1) Showing him your Spanx: Spanx for those
who are unaware are extremely tight, restricting,
and binding undergarments that make you look
like a mummy underneath your dress, and suck
in all your fat, push up your boobs, and flatten
your tummy. We all have them in some form or
another so let's just keep that to ourselves and
not reveal that we have bound our thighs in
fabric so tight we have to walk at a slight angle.
And hey, he doesn't need to know that your
amazing cleavage is being supported by two
little people under your breasts holding them up
at perfect peaks. And is it that important that
he think you really did 1,000 sit-ups to get your
tummy so tight? No, because guess what you
look hot as hell in that dress, and it makes you
feel good, and every actress in America wears
them, so like I said let's just keep it to
ourselves ladies.
2) Burp or Fart: Here's the thing about
burping and farting...it's as we all know a natural
way for our body to expel some of the air that's
inside of it right? Once my brother burped a
really foul smelling burp and blew it in my face.
Ugh, just typing this brings the flashback in my
mind and I sware I can smell that corn-nut/soda/
stanky ass smell as I type, but I digress. He
laughed and so did his immature friends, and I of
course wanted to kick him in the nuts, but I
digress again. That's the thing about burping and
farting, boys think they are hilarious when other
boys do them. It's like their guy call or
something, how they choose to bond while
playing playstation, or drinking beers and
watching football. My point is you are not his
homeboy, you are his boo and there is a
difference. If you're in a situation where you
absolutely have to burp or fart use this method:
You burp while "coughing" or fart while walking
so as least it goes into a crown and doesn't
linger behind you like a huge stank arrow
pointing at your tight butt in your Spanx.
3) Say the following: "Am I fat?", "I feel so
fat today.", "I can't eat that, I'm too fat.",
"Does this dress make me look fat?": These
type of sentences make men cringe. No man
wants to hear how insecure you are. Think about
it he is your man because he wants you, he has
sex with you, he takes you out in public, and he
holds your hand...No man does these things
unless he wants you as you are. And sometimes
out of comfort we ladies (and men) will put on a
few pounds in our relationship right? It happens,
so get up and go look in the mirror...see any
extra fat that wasn't there previously? Get your
chunky self to the gym or accept yourself the
way you are. Whatever the choice, do not
complain about it. No one wants to hear about
how fat you think you are, especially your man
because guess what? Now you've made him
actually think you are fat due to your incessant
complaints
.
4) Use the bathroom: Once my ex-boyfriend
was in the bathroom and had been in there for
so long I actually became worried. After
deliberating on how to handle the situation I
hesitantly knocked on the bathroom door and
when he answered I took that as a sign he was
okay and opened the door figuring he was
probably shaving or I don't know using my
bathroom products. To my horror he was sitting
on the toilet with his laptop on his thighs and
his guitar next to him. Why? Why? Why? did he
think this was okay? I'm sure you're wincing
and/or completely disgusted by this little tale
right? That's just what your boyfriend is thinking
when he sees you on the toilet, so stop. No
matter what that is never okay, not at your
house, on vacation, on Mars, or Jupiter. So stop
it now. Being comfortable in your relationship
feels good and safe, but seeing your partner on
the toilet feels creepy and un-sexy.
5) Talk negatively about other women i.e. "She
thinks she is so hot...", "She looks like a hoe in
that dress...": Women love to put other women
down. It's a sport. We see a gorgeous girl, a
skinny girl, a smiley girl, a girl at work, a girl in
the grocery store, a girl in a BMW next to us at
a red light, a girl talking to a guy, a girl talking
to a girl, a girl walking her dog, a girl in our
classroom and we (sometimes) attack. No bueno
ladies. If you must say something negative or
are just having a bitchy day, then that's okay,
but save that type of behavior for girl time with
your friends. Don't do it in front of your man or
while you're on a date with him, or watching Kim
Kardashian on tv (I know...I know...and I totally
agree with you about her) because that just
makes the woman you are bitching about the
center of your mans attention. And he sees you
as immature, insecure or just a jealous chick he
wants to literally run away from. So stop
6) Gossip: Every time I watch The Real
Housewives (come on we all watch, so don't go
judging me) the "wives" are always having gossip
sessions with their men. What the hell is that
about? Let me just say this before I continue: If
there is one thing girls like to do its talk, and I
am in no way putting us down, because I have
participated in gossip, nor am I saying this is all
we women like to do. Also, not all gossip is bad
gossip. So don't get all excited and think I'm
reducing us to petty gossips who constantly
trash each other because I am not. I am
however keeping it real and saying that yes we
do like to partake in a little (or a lot) of gossip
sometimes, whether it be about that co-worker
that always gives us the stink eye, or about the
latest Amanda Bynes tweet, it happens. There is
a difference between gossiping with your
girlfriends and telling your boo the entire
rundown of your circle. No man wants to sit and
listen to you go on and on about your girl drama
for hours on end. If you want to tell him a few
tidbits here and there space it out girl. Give
yourself a five minute time limit when you tell
him the story that way you're just sharing your
day, not gossiping. Wink...Wink.
7) Wax your facial hair: Do I really need to say
anything about this? Really? Don't do it...Ever,
ever, ever. It will never be okay. I don't care
what argument you use to fight me on this one,
I rebuke your reasons. Don't do this.
8) Clip your toenails: Guys do this in front of us
all the time. I had an ex that did this, and I saw
a guy on Maury years ago who's wife did this for
him. Listen if you have a foot fetish doing this
for each other and in front of your man makes
perfect sense. If you do not fall into that group
then why would you ever do this in viewing sight
of your man? Clipping your toenails and having
your toenail chips flying across the room is not
sexy. Clip them in the bathroom on your own, or
treat your fabulous self to a pedicure, just do
not clip your toe nails in front of him. It's
something our grandmas do, and do you want to
remind him of his grandma? I didn't think so.
9) Talk about your period: Periods suck. It's
one of those aspects of being a woman I truly
wish none of us had to experience.Yes, having a
period allows you to have a baby...okay
wonderful great, but let's focus on all the
negatives shall we...You can't wear white, you're
bloated, you're emotional, you cry about
anything, you go from wanting sweet cookies to
salty chips in a ten minute span, you want to
drop kick that co-worker you were previously
gossiping about, you hate the world, you love
the world, a shark will eat you if you're in the
ocean, you can't have sex unless you don't care
about a huge mess or use that cup thingy which
is so messy when you take it out, you have to
wear tampons or pads, you always feel not-so-
fresh-no-matter-how-much-you-wash. Does any
of that sound sexy? Exactly, so stop talking
about your period with your man (unless you're
charting your fertile days to get pregnant, then I
wish you luck).
10) Complain about the size of your
breasts: Boobs, men love them. They love to
look at our boobs, touch them, talk about them,
and dream about them. When they see us it is
one of the first body parts they look at, and at
times the only things they can focus on when we
are talking to them, but that's just our lot in life
sometimes ladies. So why on earth would you
ever put them down in front of him? If you don't
like your breast size go buy a padded bra. Still
not satisfied? Go get breast enhancement
surgery. Have a medical issue, then see a
medical doctor, psychiatrist or therapist. If you
want to discuss your issue with your man go
ahead, but do not put yourself or your
wonderful breasts no matter what their size
down in any way. You are so beautiful no matter
what and if he truly loves you he already sees
you as the beauty that you are, no matter what
size your breasts are.
share everything with our boo, but sometimes
ladies, we share way to damn much. I may get
some slack for this list but here it is
1) Showing him your Spanx: Spanx for those
who are unaware are extremely tight, restricting,
and binding undergarments that make you look
like a mummy underneath your dress, and suck
in all your fat, push up your boobs, and flatten
your tummy. We all have them in some form or
another so let's just keep that to ourselves and
not reveal that we have bound our thighs in
fabric so tight we have to walk at a slight angle.
And hey, he doesn't need to know that your
amazing cleavage is being supported by two
little people under your breasts holding them up
at perfect peaks. And is it that important that
he think you really did 1,000 sit-ups to get your
tummy so tight? No, because guess what you
look hot as hell in that dress, and it makes you
feel good, and every actress in America wears
them, so like I said let's just keep it to
ourselves ladies.
2) Burp or Fart: Here's the thing about
burping and farting...it's as we all know a natural
way for our body to expel some of the air that's
inside of it right? Once my brother burped a
really foul smelling burp and blew it in my face.
Ugh, just typing this brings the flashback in my
mind and I sware I can smell that corn-nut/soda/
stanky ass smell as I type, but I digress. He
laughed and so did his immature friends, and I of
course wanted to kick him in the nuts, but I
digress again. That's the thing about burping and
farting, boys think they are hilarious when other
boys do them. It's like their guy call or
something, how they choose to bond while
playing playstation, or drinking beers and
watching football. My point is you are not his
homeboy, you are his boo and there is a
difference. If you're in a situation where you
absolutely have to burp or fart use this method:
You burp while "coughing" or fart while walking
so as least it goes into a crown and doesn't
linger behind you like a huge stank arrow
pointing at your tight butt in your Spanx.
3) Say the following: "Am I fat?", "I feel so
fat today.", "I can't eat that, I'm too fat.",
"Does this dress make me look fat?": These
type of sentences make men cringe. No man
wants to hear how insecure you are. Think about
it he is your man because he wants you, he has
sex with you, he takes you out in public, and he
holds your hand...No man does these things
unless he wants you as you are. And sometimes
out of comfort we ladies (and men) will put on a
few pounds in our relationship right? It happens,
so get up and go look in the mirror...see any
extra fat that wasn't there previously? Get your
chunky self to the gym or accept yourself the
way you are. Whatever the choice, do not
complain about it. No one wants to hear about
how fat you think you are, especially your man
because guess what? Now you've made him
actually think you are fat due to your incessant
complaints
.
4) Use the bathroom: Once my ex-boyfriend
was in the bathroom and had been in there for
so long I actually became worried. After
deliberating on how to handle the situation I
hesitantly knocked on the bathroom door and
when he answered I took that as a sign he was
okay and opened the door figuring he was
probably shaving or I don't know using my
bathroom products. To my horror he was sitting
on the toilet with his laptop on his thighs and
his guitar next to him. Why? Why? Why? did he
think this was okay? I'm sure you're wincing
and/or completely disgusted by this little tale
right? That's just what your boyfriend is thinking
when he sees you on the toilet, so stop. No
matter what that is never okay, not at your
house, on vacation, on Mars, or Jupiter. So stop
it now. Being comfortable in your relationship
feels good and safe, but seeing your partner on
the toilet feels creepy and un-sexy.
5) Talk negatively about other women i.e. "She
thinks she is so hot...", "She looks like a hoe in
that dress...": Women love to put other women
down. It's a sport. We see a gorgeous girl, a
skinny girl, a smiley girl, a girl at work, a girl in
the grocery store, a girl in a BMW next to us at
a red light, a girl talking to a guy, a girl talking
to a girl, a girl walking her dog, a girl in our
classroom and we (sometimes) attack. No bueno
ladies. If you must say something negative or
are just having a bitchy day, then that's okay,
but save that type of behavior for girl time with
your friends. Don't do it in front of your man or
while you're on a date with him, or watching Kim
Kardashian on tv (I know...I know...and I totally
agree with you about her) because that just
makes the woman you are bitching about the
center of your mans attention. And he sees you
as immature, insecure or just a jealous chick he
wants to literally run away from. So stop
6) Gossip: Every time I watch The Real
Housewives (come on we all watch, so don't go
judging me) the "wives" are always having gossip
sessions with their men. What the hell is that
about? Let me just say this before I continue: If
there is one thing girls like to do its talk, and I
am in no way putting us down, because I have
participated in gossip, nor am I saying this is all
we women like to do. Also, not all gossip is bad
gossip. So don't get all excited and think I'm
reducing us to petty gossips who constantly
trash each other because I am not. I am
however keeping it real and saying that yes we
do like to partake in a little (or a lot) of gossip
sometimes, whether it be about that co-worker
that always gives us the stink eye, or about the
latest Amanda Bynes tweet, it happens. There is
a difference between gossiping with your
girlfriends and telling your boo the entire
rundown of your circle. No man wants to sit and
listen to you go on and on about your girl drama
for hours on end. If you want to tell him a few
tidbits here and there space it out girl. Give
yourself a five minute time limit when you tell
him the story that way you're just sharing your
day, not gossiping. Wink...Wink.
7) Wax your facial hair: Do I really need to say
anything about this? Really? Don't do it...Ever,
ever, ever. It will never be okay. I don't care
what argument you use to fight me on this one,
I rebuke your reasons. Don't do this.
8) Clip your toenails: Guys do this in front of us
all the time. I had an ex that did this, and I saw
a guy on Maury years ago who's wife did this for
him. Listen if you have a foot fetish doing this
for each other and in front of your man makes
perfect sense. If you do not fall into that group
then why would you ever do this in viewing sight
of your man? Clipping your toenails and having
your toenail chips flying across the room is not
sexy. Clip them in the bathroom on your own, or
treat your fabulous self to a pedicure, just do
not clip your toe nails in front of him. It's
something our grandmas do, and do you want to
remind him of his grandma? I didn't think so.
9) Talk about your period: Periods suck. It's
one of those aspects of being a woman I truly
wish none of us had to experience.Yes, having a
period allows you to have a baby...okay
wonderful great, but let's focus on all the
negatives shall we...You can't wear white, you're
bloated, you're emotional, you cry about
anything, you go from wanting sweet cookies to
salty chips in a ten minute span, you want to
drop kick that co-worker you were previously
gossiping about, you hate the world, you love
the world, a shark will eat you if you're in the
ocean, you can't have sex unless you don't care
about a huge mess or use that cup thingy which
is so messy when you take it out, you have to
wear tampons or pads, you always feel not-so-
fresh-no-matter-how-much-you-wash. Does any
of that sound sexy? Exactly, so stop talking
about your period with your man (unless you're
charting your fertile days to get pregnant, then I
wish you luck).
10) Complain about the size of your
breasts: Boobs, men love them. They love to
look at our boobs, touch them, talk about them,
and dream about them. When they see us it is
one of the first body parts they look at, and at
times the only things they can focus on when we
are talking to them, but that's just our lot in life
sometimes ladies. So why on earth would you
ever put them down in front of him? If you don't
like your breast size go buy a padded bra. Still
not satisfied? Go get breast enhancement
surgery. Have a medical issue, then see a
medical doctor, psychiatrist or therapist. If you
want to discuss your issue with your man go
ahead, but do not put yourself or your
wonderful breasts no matter what their size
down in any way. You are so beautiful no matter
what and if he truly loves you he already sees
you as the beauty that you are, no matter what
size your breasts are.
