Four Key Issues To Beware of if You decide to Marry An Older Man

In an African Traditional setting a man can marry more than one wife.But from the religious point of view some church's frowns at it.Nevertheless some Christians do marry more than one wife.
which we all know as polygamous family..
In the western culture men do not marry more than one wife. Men divorce their  wives. for as many times  as the relationship lasts...but in the western culture younger men do marry older women,thou it happens here in Africa it is not common...maybe because the society frowns at it.
It is now an issue of one man's meat is another man's poison.

polygamous families has its own advantages and distadvantages.

Now these are some of the reasons why some  African men choose to marry another wife.

1.His children might have grown up and left home....house is now quite.

2.His wife may be aging,and gaining a lot of weight...he can't  play, Carry  and run around  with her like he used to.

3.She is no longer attractive him.

4.She may be busy with her business...have little time for daddy.

5.Daddy now have plenty of money to spend.


Recently I watched a young lady of about 23 opened a package and eagerly unfolded the gift inside.It was a bundle of clothing material.as her colleagues crowded around her to take a closer look,she informed them that 'one baba' gave it to her"He says he wants to marry me"
One baba, where? They asked her..to which she pointed to one direction..there....They stared at her searching  and listened as enchanted with her gift,She praised the quality of the material and informed them that..Ah it is a big Ankara.

She also told them She has a date with baba the following week.with the wave of her hand we understood that she expected reasonable financial windfall on that day from baba.

Her female colleagues who are about the same age did not say a word to discourage or encourage her.And as much as t they tried to read  the way they looked at her,I saw guarded. expressions.But what I perceived more were girls who think that their friend has become lucky.only the sole male in that company urged her to be careful...baba may have more than one wife..already.
When I heard baba I become interested like her friends,I wanted to know where the baba was from and his means of livelihood..I noticed that she deliberately did not want us to know who baba was,I was equally surprised at  the seemingly cold-hearted manner she accepted baba's proposal.She did not exhibit any emotions.No fondness at all. Did you know him before today? one of her friends asked...The answer was a small  smile that conveyed nothing.

Since that day about  one month ago I have watched as this girl blossomed from a tomboy to a self assured young woman.Right under our noses.She still favours pants and t-shirts,but she wears more make up these days

So I am convinced now that many women would still not turn down a marriage proposal. from an older man,if it promises to be  gold mine.But marriages that are based on material gains like this are fraught with problems irrespective of the  better life it promises,the problems do not exclude baba. himself

For a woman who wants to marry an older man these are the things she should beware of,if she want to live happily with baba's family.

1.HIS CHILDREN.
They see you as an intruder.your situation is made worse if their father has fallen in love with you abandoning their mother completely.if his disfavored wife still live with him,you won't be happy.it will not be easy at all if   the children have to go through you to the father to get him to perform his duties as a parent.For example he won't pay school fee only because you plead on their behalf.
Don't feel guilty though.They would be worse off if you where the selfish type that keeps every thing to your self.
If you are firm and business like in your dealings with them,they will respect you.There will be huge disagreement,but that is normal under such arrangement.
you  have entrenched yourself in their life,so are a part of them now until daddy decides to do something about your presence in their lives,like divorcing you so soon
.
You have entrenched yourself in their life,now that you have children of your own.Step children accepted their step siblings without questions except again daddy disputes  His paternity.

DON'T BE A BARRRIER.

Encourage them to approach their father and have a good relationship with them.
Always remind yourself that you are not their mother.And don't try to be.Dont try to change who they are,you will not succeed.

HIS OTHER WIFE

Your happiness depends on how you realate to  her.Make friends, seek what you have in common and forge a friendship based on that.

THE MONEY.

You may be carried away by his expensive gifts and forget that the rain always comes.Rainy day they call it,it means difficult times in financial terms.And it can come any time especially when baba won't be their to pamper you.
you should not need much reminder.just remember that the time his first son who is about 20 years older than you insulated you so much that you cried.Use that experience to tell him to hide money away for you in a bank or give you your own personal landed property.
on his absence his first wife could take everything...but in most cases his brother,son and other relatives are engaged in a monster court battle that nobody would care about the 25 year old wife that made him happy at last in his old age.